Sometimes people bore me so tremendously that my body becomes weak and numb and I know I have to leave wherever I am, even mid-conversation, or I will literally faint of boredom. It’s like they drain my life-force.
One of the worst feelings is the one you get when you first move somewhere, or start a new job, or a new school. or are somehow thrust into an unfamiliar environment, and have the inevitable adjustment period and the “this is real, I’m really here” thought hits you and feels like a trap instead of an opportunity and you go through your “starter friends” in order to survive before you meet the people you are supposed to meet…but having this sensation during the fourth year of living somewhere is even worse because it isn’t the right reaction at all, you are supposed to be comfy and settled, not missing your parents and feeling like the city is a summer camp full of strangers.
I literally don’t think I’ve been this miserable since 10th grade, and that is fucked up, 10th grade should be my (and everyone’s) nadir, unrivaled by any sort of adult pain, a brutal moment to look back on and feel waves of relief that the profound isolation and loneliness would never ever come back.